Keeping the Faith, Even in the Midst of Academic Struggles

When parents see their child struggling in school, it is heartbreaking. You want to do whatever it takes to help, to fix the situation. But what if what you are doing could inadvertently make things worse? Parents often have difficulty finding a balance between expecting success for their child without creating anxiety. When a child is struggling in school, the way a parent responds will have a huge impact on his or her self confidence. Academic struggles can have an effect on a child, far greater than just deficits in skills. Academic struggles can impact self confidence, inhibit social growth, and create anxiety. When a student begins to struggle academically, focusing on the academic area should not be the only method of intervention.

A total focus on remediation of the specific academic deficit can produce the opposite effect. It helps me to think of it this way: I HATE to play volleyball. I'm not very good it. In fact, I'm horrible. It so boring that I'm constantly zoning out, which isn't good when the ball comes my way. By the time I realize that I should be the one to hit the ball, it's too late. I make a lame effort, but miss and look ridiculous. Everyone around me makes comments and grumbles and I feel horrible. So I start thinking about how everyone is annoyed at me, and how horrible at volleyball I am. While I am thinking the negative thoughts about myself, another ball comes in my direction, and since I am thinking about something else, I miss the ball. If twenty years ago, someone in school had said, "This girl is struggling in volleyball, we need to give her extra practice every day before and after school," I would have hated it, and felt even worse about myself. Then if I went home and my parents were discussing my volleyball performance and how to better help me.... Two things could have happened. I would either have gotten better if the intervention was successful and my confidence would have improved, or I would have been miserable and gotten even worse, because I believed I was horrible. If my confidence dropped, it would have been harder for any improvement to be made. If I had to go to school everyday to focus on the thing I hated and could not do well, I'd begin hating school. It could have been a downward spiral in my life. Thankfully, volleyball wasn't valued enough that any interventions were made on my behalf.

When I'm creating interventions for children, I often try to think of how I would feel in their situation. Extra reading would not have bothered me, but if I struggled in reading that may have been a different story. As soon a child begins struggling in reading, interventions are necessary to try to intervene before they fall into a downward spiral. However, no matter where a student is in their struggles, it is important to consider their feelings and focus on their confidence.


*Here are some suggestions on how parents can take some of the focus off of the deficit while intervening.

1. Help the child become involved in an activity in which the child can succeed. Helping the child to strengthen other areas (sports, a musical instrument, student government, etc.) can help maintain confidence.
2. Remind the child that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Remember to focus on his or her strengths as much or more than you focus on the deficit.
3. Praise efforts, not the output. For example, if a student works really hard, but doesn't quite "get it," remember to encourage the hard work. Praise should not only occur when they get everything correct.
4. Try to make the interventions fun when possible. This can be difficult, but worth a try.
5. Be sensitive to your child and try to determine if he or she is being pushed too much. High standards are important, but not at the expense of self esteem.
6. Believe in your child. When a child knows that his parents believe in him and love him unconditionally, it gives them the strength to keep trying. Once parents give up, there is little hope that the child will continue to work hard.

You might also be interested in:
What to do when your child is struggling in school
Back to School survival guide for parents of a child who struggles